


i heard your heart beating (you were in the darkness too)

by badlandsmgc



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Alternate Universe - Zombies, Apocalypse, Asexual Luke, Blood, Blood and Gore, Bottom Calum, Gay, Gore, M/M, Multi, Smut, Top Ashton, Top Michael, YA, Zombie Apocalypse, Zombies, enjoy ;), theres gonna be smut so here:
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-08
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-03 11:23:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5288873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badlandsmgc/pseuds/badlandsmgc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Calum never wanted this, no one did. but it's the end of the world, how else is he going to survive? the dead roam the street and Calum just wants to cross the road. how the hell is he going to beat the odds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the Before

**Author's Note:**

> (unedited)
> 
> fun drinking game: take a shot every time calum says "people" 
> 
> the title comes from the song 'cosmic love' by florence and the machine

“don’t you fucking dare leave me behind!” i shouted over the groans and hisses of the undead. 

“i’ll come back for you, Cal-- i promise.” Ashton shouts back, retreating with the rest of the group; leaving me with an empty gun and surrounded by zombies. what a way to die. 

this is probably pretty confusing, so how about we start at the beginning?.. or the Before, as i like to call it. 

  


_“um, yes, i’ll have a grande iced caffe mocha, soy milk, no whip,” i punched in the small girl’s order into the cash register. honestly, i love my job. yes, people are rude sometimes for no apparent reason; yes, i have to stand for hours at a time and yes, the pay sucks. but i love people. especially new people-- people that i’m never going to see twice, because it reminds me of how big this planet is. so much i haven’t seen yet and so much i want to explore someday. and the people.. wow, the people. so full of hope and opportunities._

_yeah, i love people. everyone’s so different and unique. the girl that just ordered has the most beautiful skin; soft and as dark as coffee beans. she has her nose pierced, a single stud on her left nostril._

_“what’s your name, miss?” i asked, holding her cup._

_“Roxanne.”_

_“that’ll be $3.87.” Roxanna gave me her money and i gave her her change. she smiled warmly at me and walked over to a table that had two other girls, waiting for her drink. usually the shop is quite chatty, most Starbucks usually are, but today seemed different. people seemed to have less to say, so every word bounced off the walls and sounded loudly in my ears. i didn’t mind, the noise calmed me, made me feel safe in my workplace._

_“i forgot to feed my cat.”_

_“the hell do you mean, ‘all lives matter’?”_

_“they messed up my name again, oh my god."_

_"did you see the new supernatural episode yesterday?"_

_“shut up, i’m trying to listen to the news.”_

_“can someone turn up the tv please?” i walked over to the small tv and added volume, not really paying attention to what the newswoman was saying._

_“what the hell was that?”_

_“we’re all gonna die.”_

_“no we’re not, shut up I’m trying to listen.”_

_everyone’s eyes and ears were focused on the tv, so i turned to look._

_“we are receiving news of riots occurring in the city of New York, as well as smaller surrounding cities. authorities ask everyone in the state of New York to remain indoors and not to come outside for any reason. we also suggest anyone in cities bordering the state of New York, as well as larger cities around the country, to remain indoors. Please stay safe." they cut to a man repeating what the woman said, asking everyone to stay inside. the woman sounded so calm, but you can see the frenzy behind her eyes._

_“hey, Calum,” i turned to see the manager, Carrie, “we’re shutting down early,” she said and turned away._

_“what, why?” i asked._

_“i don’t like what i’m hearing on the news, every channel you flip to says the same thing-”_

_“but we’re not in a big city," we're nowhere near New York, "we're not even on the state map-- i don’t think we have to worry about this,” somehow i knew that something was wrong here, but i didn’t want to believe it._

_“just trust me on this okay? go home and be with your family, don’t come to work tomorrow.” with that she was gone; off to tell the rest of us the same thing._

_everyone was rushing out of here, off to spend time with their loved ones i guess. the store was quiet; everyone knew that there was something off about this whole situation, but no one wanted to voice their thoughts._

  


_walking home has never been this scary. i'm tense, jumping at every shadow i see. what a wimp, nothing's wrong, it's just a couple of riots that are putting me on edge._

_usually it takes me about twenty minutes to walk home, but it seems like today, time is running slower. like it’s telling me not to take advantage of this walk, not to speed home and ignore my surroundings like i usually do. so i don’t. i take my time. even with all the chaos i’ve seen on tv and on the main road of our small town, i know that there isn’t anything to be worried about in a town as small as this._

_today i noticed little things that i probably wouldn’t’ve seen if i felt like rushing home like i always do. i noticed how quiet it was; i couldn’t hear any frogs, despite the humidity in this town. the sky is clear tonight, you can see the moon and the stars shining as bright as ever. it makes you feel some kind of way-- looking at the stars. an indescribable sensation that leaves you gasping for air from holding your breath for too long. i love stars almost as much as i love people because they are very much alike. like sometimes people feel small, but so are stars from a distance._

_my walk is disturbed by a strange groan. i stop to listen closer. ew nevermind, the groan was probably some old couple having sex; stay young, kids. i try not to think too much about the old couple and continue walking._

_another groan, this time closer. i’m nearing my house, if i walk in on my parents having sex i’m going to vomit. this time it’s a groan, a scream, and something breaking. i take off running to my house, praying that it’s my parents having sex and not a murderer in my house. i hear another scream, one that i never want to hear again._

_“Mali!” i scream, running faster than i ever have. “Mali, hold on!” the door’s unlocked and cracked open when i get there. my sister is lying on the floor; mouth open in a silent scream, her own blood coating her hands and chest. there’s someone on top of her, ripping her open and eating her insides. Mali’s eyes meet mine._

_“Calum,” i can’t hear her, but i can read her lips. “help.” i can’t hear anything and my ears are ringing. i try to take a step forward, to help her, but i slip and land on my hands and knees. looking down, i see that i’m slipping because the wooden floors are slick with Mali’s blood. i try to get up, but i fall again, this time on my side. i try crawling to her, it’s slower, but i’m moving; muttering my sister’s name over and over between sobs and hiccups. when i get to Mali, i push the intruder off of her and immediately jump on top of them. my vision’s blurry with tears so i can’t really see who i’m hitting over and over. i punch the stranger and only stop momentarily to swat away their hands. i don’t stop until i hear Mali’s voice again._

_“-Calum! Calum please, he’s dead-- stop!” she chokes and coughs and when i turn around to face her i see that she’s choking on her blood. my hearing comes back soon after, and i can no longer hear the groans. i look down and see that the person that i was beating was in fact dead, but they had probably been dead for a while._

_“what the FUCK,” my fist had punched through the man’s skull over and over again. i pulled my hand out of his head and looked at the entire picture. the man was sickly and pale, his skin had come off in many places on his body, one of his arms missing, his guts spilling out. he smelled like death; like rotting animal carcasses and shit. literal shit. “Mali-” i whispered and turned, crawling over to my sister. somehow she’s still breathing._

_but as soon as i got to her and reached for her hand, she wasn’t anymore. you hear stories about death- about how you can see the light fade from their eyes, and you never seem to believe them. until you see it yourself. Mali’s eyes were brown and beautiful as ever. they seemed off somehow, duller almost. like the light and life in them were actually gone._

_“no,” i muttered, holding onto Mal’s hand, ignoring the pile of intestines surrounding her. “please no.” i chanted over and over._

_my mom was home when i left to go to work- i shouldn’t have gone to work today, and i think she’s still here. i hope she’s not, i hope she went out to get groceries or that she went shopping or something. anything but this. i run down the hall to her room, hands shaking and heart rattling in my ribcage. i opened the door and froze when it creaked. i can hear everything now, when a few moments ago i could hear absolutely nothing. i can hear my breath; shallow and ragged, my heart; loud and erratic. nothing else. so i walked in._

_and that was a mistake, a big one. immediately, there was someone on top of me._

_“mom?” a growl came from above me, i opened my eyes and saw another one of those things from the living room. “no, not mom- get off me!” i yelled at it, but it wasn’t listening to me. it was trying to bite at me, but i held it back with my forearm. i kicked it off of me and then kicked it again, sending it away from me, far enough away from me that i have time to get up and try to run out. i almost make it to the door when it grabs at my foot, making me fall on my front. i kick the thing off me and get up again; this time to face it, not to run away. i grab onto the it’s shirt and pull it to the ground, dragging it towards the door. i’m careful not to let it scratch or bite me, i’m pretty sure this is what i think it is, and i’m definitely going to use everything i learned from the zombie flicks i watched as a kid. i put it’s head next to the door frame and smashed the door into it’s head one, two, three, four, five times and then two more times just to make sure. there, no more groaning._

_my mom, where is she? she’s not in her room, i looked around to make sure after i killed the thing and i couldn’t see her. but i look around one more time just in case i missed her. my breathing is still not even and i can feel dry tears on my face. why the hell did this happen to me? oh shit, the door to the bathroom connected to my mother’s room is open and the lights are on. maybe she hid in there to protect herself and then opened it when she heard the groaning stop?_

_“mom?” i ask loudly, walking towards the door. “mom-” oh shit. “no not you too,” she’s not even completely there. the only thing that’s left is her top half, not including her left arm. the zombie ate her. i’m too late._

_i walk over to the sink and look at myself in the mirror. i look like i just stepped out of hell. there’s blood coating almost every inch of me. it makes me mad that i know that the darker blood comes from the zombies. it’s drier and brittle, almost flaky. and that i know that the brighter blood, the one that looks fresh and red instead of brown, belongs to my sister. and it’s my sister’s blood that’s mostly on me._

_for the next three hours everything goes by in flashes. i’m undressing, then i’m suddenly in the shower and i don’t know how i got there, but i go with it. i see blood going down the drain, more blood than water. then i’m sitting on my bed, putting on my socks. i still have no idea what’s happening in between, but i’m still rolling with it. i’m packing a bag, i’m standing outside of my house, i’m walking to the bus stop, i’m waiting for the bus, i’m sitting in the front row of the bus, i’m walking outside again. i see a boy. he tells me his name is Ashton. he tells me his family has been murdered. he says it was a zombie. i believe him._

  


it’s been two years since then. i’m standing on top of a car, waiting for who the hell knows what. i stab as many skulls as i can and kick some away, but they just crawl over each other’s corpses to get at me. 

the sun is setting and the group still hasn’t come back for me, i’m seriously thinking about either stabbing myself or jumping over the river of zombies at my feet. 

“fuck it.” i say to no one in particular and take my bag off of my back and throw it over the zombies towards the another car. i start backing up. taking off with a semi-running start, i jump- more like dive off of the car and tuck my body into a ball before i hit the ground with a roll. i could’ve just jumped off normally, but then i probably would’ve landed in the sea of monsters and been torn to shreds. also, rolling lessens the impact and i would’ve rather had a dislocated shoulder than two broken legs. i get up and pick up my bag. 

“take cover!” i hear someone shout from a distance. not caring who spoke, i ducked and crawled behind a different car just in time to see the zombies get showered with a rain of bullets. 

it was deathly quiet when the smoke cleared and the sun was almost completely set. i should probably get up and head home because i know for sure that we don’t own any machine guns. 

“i hope you’re not planning on leaving us,” i hear a voice say from behind me. i reach towards my gun- “i know you’re out of bullets, or you would’ve used that to kill those creepers over there.” i’m going to die. these people saved me just to kill me themselves. i try to get up to take off running, but another voice stops me. 

“you run,” he says and i hear the sound of a bullet clicking into its chamber, “and you die.” 


	2. him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (unedited)
> 
> happy valentine's day :)

this isn’t like last time. 

  


_“where did you get that?!” i asked Ashton. instead of answering he pointed the gun at me. “not funny, Ash.” he stepped closer and closer until i could feel the cold metal of the gun against my forehead._

 _“who’s laughing?” he asked me. then he smiled. he smiled wide and carefree, like we’re not squatting in an abandoned cereal factory. like we’re not dying inside. his smile reminded me that there’s good. it was a time in my life where i want to give up but i found him. he made me want to live. there was a gun pointed to my head and i wanted to live._

  


no, this definitely isn’t like last time. this isn’t thrilling and kind of beautiful. this is scary; i’m going to die. i don’t want to die. 

“what the fuck, Michael, we’re not going to kill him,” the first voice said. 

“you’re not?” i asked, if they say no i can make a run for it. 

“no,” he said again. “but we do want to patch you up a bit, you look pretty beat up.” i look down at myself, my palms and legs scraped up from jumping off of a fucking car. i look down at my stomach and see red bleeding through my shirt. when i lift it up i find a gunshot wound, but it barely grazed my side, i’ll be fine. 

“yikes, that probably stings like a mother.” Michael speaks up. He walks up to Luke and rips the bottom of his shirt off, making it look like he was wearing a crop-top. Michael smiled a bit to himself and walked over to me. 

“what the hell?” 

“it’s cleaner than mine!” i winced as Michael tied the strip of cloth around my waist. “stop crying, it’ll keep you from bleeding out on us.” 

Luke sighed and continued, “you’re probably hungry too, and we have food back at our place.” 

“look, you can say no if you want to and go along your merry way,” Michael said after a couple seconds of my silence. “but we kinda just saved your life, i think you should be polite; take the free hospitality and say thank you.” 

“stop being so rude, you’re going to scare him away,” the first boy says. “what’s your name?” 

“Calum,” 

“hey Calum, i’m Luke and this is my friend Michael,” i turn to face them. in front of me there are two boys around my age, maybe younger-- it's hard to tell when living out here seems to age you faster. one’s blonde with soft blue eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses, the other one is also blonde, but his hair is darker, murkier almost. his eyes are green; i try to find another color in them, to say that they’re green with golden flecks or green with blue in it, but no, they’re just green. and they're beautiful. 

“so are you coming or what?” the one with glasses- Luke asks. i look towards where my group ran off to and decide that they’re not coming back for me tonight, it’s too dangerous. they’re probably going to look for me as soon as the sun comes up, if they look for me at all. if i go with these guys i’m not guaranteed safety, or even a chance to leave alive, but i’m hungry and tired, and if i’m murdered in my sleep, then at least i’m not being eaten alive by a rotting, walking corpse. 

“sure.” i got up and we started walking towards the bridge where the two were hiding when the wave hit. 

“so, Calum,” Michael said. “why were you guys out in the middle of nowhere?” 

“supply run.” i said after a couple of seconds of silence. 

“that’s stupid.” 

i kept quiet, i don’t want to give anything away in case this is a trap. 

“why didn’t you go the other way, the next convenience store is way closer than this one.” 

“it’s dry.” i said simply. Michael made a noise of approval, seemingly satisfied with my answer. it’s the truth, just not the whole truth. we came from that direction, heading west, towards the Pacific Ocean. 

it’s pitch black and we’re hiking through the forest, but i remembered every turn at every tree. just in case. 

“i’d check your wound, but i can’t risk attracting any zombies by using a light brighter than Mike’s nokia screen,” Luke says, turning around to face me. “but we’ll be there in just a bit.” around twenty minutes later we made it to a small log house surrounded by a makeshift security system of cans on a rope. We had to step over it to not attract any z’s, but i bet it makes a hell of an alarm. now i’m starting to feel it. the adrenaline i got from jumping off of a car as a hail of bullets rained behind me as well as being held at gunpoint had started to wear off and the pain in my side tripled. yeah, it was just a graze, but i haven’t experienced many gunshot wounds so this is fairly new to me. Luke opened the door and grabbed my forearm, pulling me inside. He led me blindly through the house and to the bathroom attached to one of the bedrooms. The windows were boarded up many times over, as if to block all natural light from entering the room. Four-eyes sat me down on the toilet and pulled my shirt over my shoulder to expect my wound. 

“it isn’t so bad, you didn’t bleed a lot since the bullet was only 9 millimeters and i see an exit wound, so i’m just going to clean it and give you a couple of stitches.” 

“9 millimeter? you were packing some heavy artillery, the shells you dropped looked like they were around 15 cal.” 

“they were, Michael shot you with a 9 milli so you wouldn’t be able to kill us.” 

“he shot me on purpose?!” i said loudly, beginning to stand up from the toilet. 

“Calum, calm down, you’ll start to bleed again.” i blinked away the stars that started to form around my eyes. 

“don’t you tell me to calm down, i could have died!” the skin around my abdomen is starting to get wet and the stars won’t go away. they started to expand and just turn into dark spots. 

“Calum please, you’ll bleed out.” Luke says again in his doctorly tone. 

“do NOT tell me what to do.” i can’t really see Luke at this point, so i’m not sure if i’m pointing at him or the sink, but i’m too angry to care. 

“you’ve already lost about 20% of your total blood capacity on the way here so please calm down.” 

“i said DON-” my vision fades to black. 

  


_“Cal- help!” it was my sister, Mali. her voice gurgly because her throat was being gnawed at. but this isn’t how it happened. i know it isn’t, when it happened two years ago, i couldn’t hear her voice. the ringing in my ears was too loud to hear anything. i’ve had this dream before. many many times before._

 _there’s a scream upstairs, it’s my mother. i run up the stairs and i see her. her back pressed against the bathroom door, a pillow separating the zombie from her arms. this time i think i made it in time. i always think i made it in time._

 _

“mom!” i scream, but she doesn’t hear me. i start to run towards her but halfway there i hit something.. some sort of wall. but there’s nothing in front of me. “mom!” i scream again, punching and banging my fist against what seems like nothing, but the blood on my knuckles prove otherwise. two years ago, when i found my mom, her entire bottom half was missing. even the bones. but here, in my dreams, she’s whole. she won’t be for long though. i know what happens. it’s always the same. i always know i can’t stop it. i always try anyway. i always fail. tears blur my vision so i blink. and she’s gone. not even her top half is left like it was two years ago. the zombie is just lying there. too stuffed with human that it can’t even crawl. 

and then i see Ashton. Ash is always there too. he picks me up after i’ve fallen to my knees to throw up the dream food i ate earlier. he turns me around to face him and holds my hand. 

“Calum?” Ashton says, but it doesn’t sound like him. 

“Ashton?” i reply, but my voice feels like it’s escaping me and it’s floating far away. 

“Calum, wake up.” i see Ashton’s lips move but it’s not him speaking. God how i miss his voice. if only i could hear it now, even if it is just a dream. 

_

  


“dude,” Michael says, shaking me. “wake up.” 

“be careful, you’ll rip his stitches.” Luke speaks up. 

“what’s going on?” i ask slowly, my head is pounding and my side burns. “what happened?” 

“you passed out yesterday,” Luke tells me. “your heart rate was too high and you had an open wound so you were losing blood faster. then you hit your head on the sink on the way down.” 

“you were sleeping too much so Luke got worried and had me wake you up. sounds like you were having a nightmare.” 

“yeah? i don’t remember,” i lied. “i slept too much? but it’s still dark out.” 

“no actually, you slept through today, the sun just set,” Luke pulled the shutters of the window a little farther so i could see the sun on the horizon. 

“you’ve been with us for a little more than 24 hours.” 

“shit.” i grumbled. 

“yeah, i said something like that too.” Michael said back. Michael’s probably the guy you can’t keep quiet. the guy who can’t whisper for shit. 

“i need to get back.” 

“you want to go back to those pricks who abandoned you?” 

“they didn’t have any other choice.” 

“you didn’t answer my question.” he said more menacingly. i flinched and then whimpered. my side is really starting to hurt. 

“Michael calm down, that’s his business and we shouldn’t intrude.” then and there i decided that i liked Luke better. but then again, Luke is the kind of guy that does everything for a reason. he seems nice on the outside, but if he and Michael were in the same situation i was stuck in and Michael was on the car, Luke would leave too. Michael would be the one who stays behind if Luke was on the car. he’d climb up on the car with blondie and take out the zombies one by one with just a knife if he had to. Michael’s a ‘no man left behind’ kind of guy. Luke, on the other hand, is a ‘save yourself first, and then the other one if he’s useful enough to keep alive’ kind of guy. but maybe it’s different with Michael. i thought it would be different with Ashton. i guess not. maybe i just shouldn’t think i know these guys after a couple hours of being in their presence. i probably have it all wrong. 

“he didn’t answer my question.” Michael looked at Luke like he was tired of being awake. They probably had to take shifts over night just in case i woke up in the middle of the night and decided to kill them. 

“alright, fine,” Luke looked at me. “just answer it please.” he looked just as tired. 

“i have to go back.” Michael sighs from somewhere distant behind me. 

“we’ll take you back, but you’re gonna have to stay here with us for a couple days while your wound heals.” he must’ve seen the desperation in my eyes because he added, “we’ll leave just as soon as you can walk without tearing your stitches.” 

“three days,” i tell him. “if you don’t take me in three days i’ll go alone.” 

“okay, three days.” he agrees. Michael walks over and kneels in front of me. 

“drink up, you need to get hydrated,” i take the cup reluctantly. “don’t worry, i didn’t poison it or anything, it’s clean.” i drink the water in large sips, arguing that if they had wanted to kill me, they wouldn’t have wasted medical supplies to clean and tend to my wound. but then again, if they didn’t want to kill me, they wouldn’t have been the ones to shoot me in the first place. maybe i’ll clear that up with them tomorrow, right now i’m too sore to care. 

“well,” Michael said slowly, his voice showing traces of defeat, “Luke just wanted to check to see that you weren’t dead so you should probably go back to sleep now.” 

“yeah, our bodies actually heal faster when we’re sleeping,” Luke adds. “so that’s a good id-” 

“shut up, nerd.” due to how tired my body felt, i let a small laugh out. immediately i tried to pretend that it didn’t happen, but no one seemed to notice so i lied back down and shut my eyes, willing myself to fall asleep quickly. 

this time i didn’t dream of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i learned in latin last year: unlike most 'saint' holidays, st. valentine's day is celebrated on the day that he was executed, not the day he was born.

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this is my first fic here :) please give me harsh criticism, i promise you won't hurt my feelings


End file.
